Tressa's Story

We found out on October 10th, 2007 that we were expecting our second child. Tim and Tyler had the stomach flu so when I started to feel nauseous, I assumed I was getting what they had. It was our first month trying to get pregnant and since it took over 15 months with Tyler, we assumed it wouldn't happen so quickly! I ran into the bedroom to tell Tim that I was pregnant and he woke up long enough to say 'cool' then went back to bed. He thought it was a dream and the sickness getting to his head so he went in the bathroom to look for the test after he woke up.

We bought Tyler a t-shirt that said 'Big Brother to be 2008' and told the family at the end of October by having him wear it. We were all very excited to welcome a new little one to the family. I was even more sick than I was with Tyler but figured that the little one was going to be worth it! We had normal appointments and were told early that we might even be having twins! We got to hear a heart beat at the end of November and knew everything was just fine.

On January 23rd, 2008 we went in for our sonogram to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. We were so happy when we saw the little heart beating because that is all we knew to look for. The baby was moving so much and I was just trying to feel it while we were watching it on the screen. The sono tech was really quiet and eventually told us she was going to get the doctor because she saw something with the head that she wanted our doctor to see. My doctor came in and told us that the baby had anencephaly and would not survive outside the womb. She told us to go for a level 2 sonogram to confirm the diagnosis then we would be sent to terminate the pregnancy. Tim asked the tech to tell us what the baby was and she told us she was a little girl! The level 2 sonogram confirmed that our baby girl's brain did not form completely and she would not survive long after being born. I called my doctor that night and asked her if carrying my daughter was an option. She said that from my physical standpoint, it would not be different from any other pregnancy and that she would be with us through this if we decided to carry our daughter. The next night, we called her and told her that I would carry our daughter until God decided to take her.

My doctor let us come in every two weeks to get to hear her heartbeat so that we knew everything was alright. We were prepared for our daughter passing away while I was still carrying her but we also knew she could make it past 40 weeks and have to be encouraged to come out! We had two 3D sonograms with videos and pictures so that we would always have something tangible to remember that time by. We read as much as we could find on the Internet and I found support from women that I didn't know before this experience. It is kind of amazing how quickly you connect with other women who have lost a child. You can have nothing else in common with someone, but you can relate to the feelings a mother has when she has to say goodbye to her child.

I started having contractions in the middle of April. I denied it at first because my doctor kept talking about having to set an induction date because she didn't think I would go into labor by myself. I also didn't want to believe that this could be the start of the end. When we went in for my appointment on May 1st, I mentioned that I thought I was having contractions. My doctor went ahead and checked and I was dilated to 2-3 cm and 70% effaced. I wasn't even 34 weeks at this point and definitely not thinking that I was going to go into real labor. I continued to have contractions that weekend and went on 'bed rest' even though they were not going to do anything medically to stop labor. We went to the cemetery that Sunday night to pick out a plot for Tressa. That was the last bit of preparation we needed to do as we had already met with the funeral home and picked out our little girl's casket. The next day I continued to have contractions that would not stop. They tell you to wait to go in until your contractions are 3-5 minutes apart for 2 hours or something like that. Mine would be 3 minutes apart for about an hour and 45 minutes, then stop for about 15 minutes! I called my nurse friend who told me to wait. So I did, but I had Tim come home and told my parents to be on call for taking care of Tyler. I called again around noon and told them I was coming in (my friend was busy so I couldn't talk to her and I was getting scared!).

When we got to the hospital, I was dilated to 4 cm so I was allowed to stay. I got my IV (after two tries!) and my epidural. I got to have my friend as my nurse which was an incredible blessing. My doctor broke my water and I lost most of my belly! Because Tressa didn't know how to swallow, I had polyhydramnios (a lot of amniotic fluid). From my understanding, this is when my placenta detached causing a very uncomfortable labor. We choose not to monitor Tressa's heartbeat because there was a strong possibility that she would not make it through labor. I kept feeling like I was going to pass out and kept getting loads of fluid and some medicine to raise my blood pressure. At 9:13 PM, Tressa was born and had already gone to meet our Lord. All we had wanted was to get to hold her alive, but when she was born, it didn't matter anymore. She was our beautiful daughter and we held her and admired her like any other newborn. A friend from our church had contacted Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep(http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/) and a volunteer was there to take pictures of us and our family. I pray that you never need their services, but if you do find yourself in this situation, this is an incredible organization.

We kept Tressa with us in our hospital room until the morning that we left. I held her the whole first night except for when I handed her off to Tim. I didn't want to miss a minute with her so I stayed up most of the night reading magazines that Tim borrowed from the waiting rooms in the hospital. We had so many friends come to visit us and the support from these friends was amazing. I am not sure that I would be as strong as our friends were for us, but I pray that I would be. We got footprints, hand and foot molds, lip prints and a lock of Tressa's hair. She had really dark hair like her Daddy. The day after she was born, when everyone else was gone, Tim, Tressa and I just laid in the bed and held each other. This was when Tim and I knew that our little girl was in Heaven and not in the body we were holding. This was when we really said goodbye to our baby girl.

We had a visitation on Thursday night and a service on Friday morning. The service was beautiful and a wonderful tribute to Tressa's little life. Tressa was buried on a cool, wet Friday morning. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think or talk about her. She has changed our lives forever and I pray I never forget the time we had with her.